Wendy: Peter Martins said "Just try it. I think you're really right for it." I was learning it from Merrill Ashley, for whom Balanchine had created the ballet. Well, I could not be more different from Merrill, as a dancer. Knowing this, I started to limit myself.

Finis: How so?

Wendy: She would show me a step, and my approach would not have been the same as her approach. I didn't know if I should try to make it like her, or if it was OK to make it my own. Jenifer Ringer (another City Ballet Principal) was also learning the part, and I thought she would be so much more appropriate for the part. Jenifer and I talked with each other throughout the learning process, and we tried to really support each other, because we've known each other a long time, and worked together a lot. And, we actually know how completely opposite we are, and we really respect each other for that. I also felt the music (Fauré) was too flowery for me; kind of like the icing on the cake. I prefer more dramatic music; heavy and pulsing like Stravinksy. This was so far from that! It only came into place for me with the orchestra dress rehearsal.

Finis: OK, you're on stage, and ...

Wendy: I was not really looking forward to it, because I hadn't found myself in the piece. So I decided to almost just throw it away, in the sense of not worrying about what I was gong to do with it, and just go out there and trust that something right would happen. And, it happened. I had fun! I found what it meant to me, in the performance, although I hadn't had a solution before hand.

Finis: Well, that's amazing for me to hear, because I saw you dance the piece, which I hadn't particularly remembered favorably, I loved every moment of you. You did so much with that music and the movement. You did as Balanchine said: "See the music and hear the dancing." You added another dimension: the smell of romance.

Wendy: I actually remembered something Tanaquil LeClerq (a famous Balanchine Ballerina) had told me, years earlier. She just said "be yourself." I found that It's important to know how to make good judgments, and to use what people tell you to best advantage. So when I approach a part nowadays, I'm thinking, "how do I bring myself into the piece?" and use that as a guide.

Finis: What else do you think of?

Wendy: Generally, Balanchine ballets aren't narrative ballets, they don't have plots, but they do make you feel something emotionally. Everyone feels different things, so what is the strongest expression I can give from my understanding of the choreography and the music?

Finis: I love the Balanchine quote: "You see, dancing is the ability to look well while you are in space. It's covering space in time."

Wendy: Sometimes, when you connect a piece of the choreography with a phrase in the music, it hits you like a bolt of lightning. You fall in love with that particular moment in the piece. And then you start sculpting on that, and loving it more and more the more you rehearse it. I think the audience feels that. It's interesting going into a piece you've never danced before, because it's probable that I've seen the piece on stage, performed by someone else, and it's hard to get the memory of that out of my head. A lot of times this previous viewing experience makes you come to the part with preconceived ideas. However, when you start to dance the steps for yourself, it's like opening the door to a room full of new possibilities. And sometimes, you end up changing your mind about what you saw; you may not like the piece as much as you first did, or you may end up liking it more.

Finis: Because . . .

Wendy: For instance, when I started working on La Sonnambula, which was the first Balanchine ballet I ever saw, and loved, I thought it would be easy to do. However, it ended up being very challenging because it demanded a kind of focus that was entirely new to me, as a performer. I was used to being extroverted in performance. This role, of the Sleepwalker, required a powerful introversion that needed to be palpable to the audience. Surprisingly, this is not an easy thing to do. It seems to be so simple, but it isn't. I think it took me a couple of season to get it. I think it's very important to have a good chemistry with the dancer who plays The Poet, because that's what has to be projected to the audience.

Finis: But in this part, you never really "see" him do you, because you're sleepwalking? So how do you do it?

Wendy: Allegra Kent and Victor Castelli, who danced this ballet together, and gave incredible performances, helped give me insight into the role. And, my poet has always been Nikolaj Hubbe, whom I love dearly; he's like my brother, and we love to do this ballet together. Nikolaj pulls things out of me in this very difficult role, where I cannot express with my face. It's almost like having to communicate with your breath! As the Poet, Nikolaj projects such strong emotions, and that balances my cool understatement. It's a very interesting piece, because of the challenges it imposes. There's no ballet quite like it.

Finis: Going back to "nightmares" do you have any specific recall of a time when you weren't sure of yourself on stage?

Wendy: Oh yeah! Big recalls! I remember when I was first learning the Sugar Plum Fairy, as well as Dewdrop, in Waltz of the Flowers in The Nutcracker, and all I wanted to do was Dewdrop, because she was running and jumping, and never being still. I could hide with all the movement. I wasn't so sure I could handle the serenity of the Sugar Plum Fairy.

Finis: So what did you do?

Wendy: It took many years of cultivation for me. I did so much work mentally, I believed myself into the ballet, so I understand how what you have in your head will come out in your dancing.

Finis: And, what you don't have in your head will not come out in your dancing.

Wendy: It's true. It's also true, that you can really see so much of a person's personality in their dancing. You can tell where their priorities lie.

Finis: You can say that again! All you have to do is watch a dancer's eyes. It tells the whole story. What else happened while developing Sugar Plum?

Wendy: I gained maturity and confidence based on trusting that I had it in me, even though I didn't feel it. I had to learn to see myself differently. I had kind of type-cast myself, as a strong, athletic dancer. I had never really thought of myself as delicate, light, airy, and feminine. I felt very strong and bold. It took me a long time to crack open this new idea of myself.

Finis: Is part of it letting yourself respond to music in a different way?

Wendy: Part of it. It was also learning to relax with my partner, and letting him lead me. I didn't have to control everything. All the guys liked to dance with me, because they didn't have to do anything. It wasn't until I danced with Jock Soto (City Ballet Principal) who broke down the barrier I had built up. Jock showed me how I could trust him and how much better everything could be. It gave me a whole new dynamic with the choreography.

Finis: What have been the highlights of your career?

Wendy: There were two debuts I made. One was Dewdrop in Nutcracker, and the other was Odette in Balanchine's Swan Lake, Act II. (Laughter) I remember waking myself up at night, doing "run-run-run" in Dewdrop. My sheets were all over the place, from being kicked around while I danced in my sleep. And then, before the performance, I had my make up on, and I my legs felt like rubber. I couldn't even warm up! I hardly could stand up. It was freaky. I was melting with the nerves. (Laughter) Those were two of the best performances of my life! I felt like I could fly, and I could balance forever. (Laughter) This was not what I expected, from the way I felt before the performances. It ended up beautifully, even though I felt so out of control. It was like a force of nature coming from outside of myself. Mozartiana was the same; in performance, I just let it happen. It danced me.

Finis: Wonderful!

Wendy: Over time, I've come to realize that my greatest gift is my individuality. When I first joined the Company, I always wanted to be like someone else, and would compare myself along the way. I was always struggling to be something that I thought I was supposed to be. I was always insecure with what I was. In recent years, I've come to the conclusion that I've worked very, very hard for a long time, and I've realized that I've earned my voice as a performer. So I decided to accept myself, trust myself, and be glad I was different. I realized not everyone has to love my dancing, or the way I look, as long as I love what I'm doing. I think the audience knows when you're being honest, and authentic, and that's what they want. You know, I never knew Balanchine, because he died on the day of my first Workshop Performance in 1983, but nonetheless, I've learned over time, to trust my interpretations of the Balanchine ballets.

Finis: Wendy, there's not the slightest doubt that the audience and critics trust what you're doing up there on stage. Do you have any special thoughts for aspiring professionals?

Wendy: Basically, it's really important to realize that each person has different strengths and weaknesses, and things aren't going to come easily all the time. You need to always remain a student, learning from the people around you, and from your own mistakes. You want to make the best out of the hard times, realizing that everyone experiences difficulties in life, sooner or later. It's important to turn what may feel like a negative situation into one that is positive. You want to be careful that you don't get scarred from negative situations, but that you face them, stay open, and allow time and effort to heal yourself. These learning situations are always gifts, because they only enhance your character, and therefore, your artistry.

Finis: Well said. I can't wait to see your next performance! Thank you!