Insight 9 is about a subject that can be a the heart of all relationships -- especially the teacher/student relationship. It is about upsets.

What is an upset? Have you ever thought about how one really gets upset? Most likely, if you look close enough, you may find that an upset is rarely about the apparent 'reason' for the upset.

An upset is usually, if not always, about one (or all) of three things:

• A unfulfilled expectation
• A thwarted intention
• An undelivered communication
  

Rarely will you find someone tell you the true reason why they are upset. People are cagey about their true motives, thinking that it reveals too much of who they are. When you honestly tell someone your true expectations its easy for others to dismiss them as unrealistic. Also, your true expectations reveal what you value most in life, thus pointing out your greatest weaknesses as well. Who wants others to know your most sensitive spots to your ego?

The other aspect to revealing oneself to others are the plan you have for the future. Not just what you would like the future to hold, but what you actually are planning on accomplishing. Have you ever planned a project with others and it was thwarted when someone (or everyone) dropped out? How about planning a party for months only to find out that the place you rented has just become unavailable? There are many 'thwarted intentions' scenarios that all of us can recall. There are also many intentions that you told no one, but were quietly going about developing it on your own. When an intention has been thwarted it is like a slap in the face. It brings up many insecurities, especially in regards to your effectiveness. An upset from this point of view is another secret you do not want others to find out -- it can reveal that one is not 'capable' or 'good enough'. Also, it makes demands on your ability to request help -- one of our weakest forms of communications. And this brings us to...

The last point of an upset is the one which we all have the most difficulty... communication. An upset will always remain an upset until we deliver the right communication to the right person. Our greatest strength in life cannot be any stronger than our weakest ability. The ability to communicate, and I don't mean tell someone off, or giving out some facts, but communicate in such a way that who we are, who we are for others, becomes quite clear to everyone around us. It is the ability to communicate that turns an upset into a breakthrough.

Anthony answers some of your questions in this special section. You may email him at coach@danceart.com